Mastering Choice Making

Posted on Tuesday, January 13, 2009 by Lily Wong in Personal Power 

So often we are wishy washy or get stuck in a dilemma when we need to make significant personal choices. For instance, which job to take, the next travel destination, who to become business or romantic partners with, etc. Sometimes it gets so difficult to make a decision that we procrastinate it altogether because we are afraid to make the wrong choice.

But is there really a right or wrong choice when it comes to making open-ended decisions like these? How do we decide then? On what foundation do we base our decision-making?

This is where personal responsibility is required. Many people would rather have another tell them what to choose because they mistakenly think that would take the responsibility of that choice off their shoulders. It is disempowering because you would create a sense of victimhood within you.

Whether it is right or wrong, is a matter of how you yourself accept that choice. Self-acceptance is the key. When it is a personal choice, it rarely works to choose according to what others deem is good or bad. All choices should be based on your own values, your own feelings and your own preferences.

When a choice is made based on what others want for you or what would please others, the chances of it being ‘wrong’ for you is higher. Sometimes we unknowingly make choices like these, because most of us are programmed to always make others happy first. We won’t know this until resentment or a sense of feeling trapped begins to surface. Eventually the built-up of these emotions would cause us to quit that choice in a push-pull manner. Push-pull because on one part we know it is not working out for us, but on another we cannot let it go because we fear disappointing someone. When we do give up on that choice, usually a lot of guilt and self-loathing arises; inducing a sense of failure. At times you begin to even question if you fear success itself. When this happens too often, we begin to doubt our ability to make good choices for ourselves. This causes us to be trapped in a vicious cycle of victimhood and fear of failure.

When you make a choice authentically for yourself, and it doesn’t work out, usually you would just get a neutral sense to move on. There is no guilt, no push-pull games; because that choice was made by you for you. The only person you need to answer to is yourself. Of course there are times you would doubt whether you are making the right choice to move on. Remember there is no right or wrong, just how much you accept that choice. For instance the whole world thinks it is a mistake not to marry your childhood sweetheart. If you feel strong about your decision, stick with it. Keep asking yourself, is this decision mine, or theirs?

At this stage most of us will get into a state of creating ‘reasons’ to leave something. For example, you begin coming up with a list of negative things why your childhood sweetheart is not suitable for you, to justify your choice. You don’t need to do that. You don’t need to create ‘cons’ about a decision to not choose it. Similarly you don’t need to create ‘pros’ about a decision to choose it. This is call finding fault or excuses.

But shouldn’t logic be included in making good choices? Definitely. But there’s a fine line between practical whys and finding faults. Practical whys are always geared towards the highest possible goal for you – it would answer the questions: “how does this add value into my life and others?” “Which one would help me raise my vibrations the best?” Finding fault is the ego’s way of creating drama within you about another: ie. he is too fat for me, he is too poor for me, etc – all of which degrades the other choice.

When a choice makes you feel good, go for it. Have courage to just choose it. It is ok to make a mistake, because you can always choose again. No one here or up there is going to punish you. Mistakes only need corrections not punishment.

When we can understand that there is no right or wrong choices, there won’t be failures in our lives, because every experience that we choose for ourselves is all about growth. And when there’s growth, there’s success. How do we go wrong with that? We simply can’t. This goes to show that judging things good or bad, right and wrong is merely an illusion. Upon this awareness, you would truly create the life you desire; and even if there are mistakes along the way, you know that it is all part of your growth process.

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