High On Life

My idea then, of enjoying life meant drinking excessively, smoking excessively, and seeking out other 'interesting' substances to get a better high. I paid the price of course the next day after every binge....feeling sick, tired, dehydrated with my head banging continously.

It was easy to slip into a state of denial to even think that these things were enjoyable. When I think back on why I did all the things I did, I realised that I didn't really have a big reason. It was like one thing just led to another. I am quite sure that most addicts feel the same way. And when asked why do they do it, they would say they enjoy it!

Besides the lack of goals in life, I believe that I was just absolutely bored, as if I was just waiting for something to happen. Of course nothing was going to happen if I myself didn't make it happen.

When I was finally able to cross that line, determined to make things happen, determined to live a life, determined to make a difference and plant something on the soil of the earth for future generations, I realised that all that I was waiting for in life was within me. It took a couple of years of purification in body, mind and spirit to come to that realization.

Experiencing a High On Life did not come from outside of me, it now comes from within me. The best part is, there are no hangovers! :-)

© 2008 Shamala Tan

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